august 21, 2002
the traditional end of summer is upon us. this time the past 4 years i was packing up to go back to school. this year, not so much. it's a weird feeling. i keep thinking "oh i should do that before i leave", and then i remember, i'm not leaving. i'll still be here in september. it's odd.
despite what seems to have been a lack of activity this summer, i think alot has happened. eric and i keep saying how we did NOTHING this summer...no trips, no big concerts, nothing. especially compared to last summer. but as i said, alot has happened, and alot has changed.
for the most part i think everything has changed for the better. at least as
far as i am concerned. things mellowed out by july, and i think everyone was
more or less content. and i feel like my relationships with everyone have changed,
mostly in good ways. i feel like there are some people now i can talk to and
be more honest to than i could before. like, we've gotten a greater understanding
of eachother because of what has happened over the summer. and i'm really glad
that happened. maybe this is just me, but that's how i'm seeing things. i feel
like i can be straight up with people, be like "listen, this is how it
is..." where as i didn't feel like i could before. so i feel like i'm walking
on fewer egg shells than i used to be, which i think is cool.
maybe it's just me that's changed. i tried to get a new perspective on things
and it's working for the most part. my whole "not my problem" stance
has worked pretty good. my opinions on certain subjects are known, and that's
all that is needed. i've said my piece about things, and now i'm here for when
i'm needed. and i feel fine about that. i'm not killing myself over other people
at the moment (just myself haha). NOT SAYING THAT I DON'T CARE, just not being
involved until i need to be.
my internal state...last week sucked, this week is better. i still feel sick
tho, which i do not understand AT ALL. i still can't eat without gagging haha.
there is no need for me to be sick still. normally it would be the other way
around...feel sick when i saw him, feel fine by myself, and it's the completely
opposite right now. feel sick all day til i go to work, feel fine there, feel
fine with him...i don't get it lol. but i'm happy. i'm feeling a bit optimistic
for once, and trying not to look too far into the future (like, december :P)
because who knows what'll have happened by then. to quote one of the greatest
movie's ever... "live in the now!" :)
*fin*